Heavy Weather

It feels like I’ve slipped into a muddy state of mind, and I can’t say exactly why. Sometimes this place is workable — even useful. Other times, it carries a heavier pull, like drifting into something darker that takes more effort to climb back out of.

Today, it seems closely tied to how my body feels. I’ve been training hard. Nothing is wrong exactly, but I’m sore, a little depleted, not as strong as I’d like to be. On its own, that wouldn’t matter much. Still, it was enough to let a cloud settle in yesterday — not dramatic, just dense.

It feels like a day to take stock. Not in a grand way, but honestly. To look at how I’m moving through things, and where small adjustments might be needed. There’s a sense that some recalibration is due.

I can see that outside influences are still getting under my skin more than I’d care to admit. That’s not new, and it’s not particularly surprising — just something I keep rediscovering.

There’s a familiar feeling of effort without traction. Like pushing against something that doesn’t move, no matter how many times I try. Especially around the work I put out online. I show up, I share, and very little seems to come back. It raises a quiet question about whether any of that building really matters at all.

I don’t have an answer yet. I’m not even sure I know what success is supposed to look like in that space. Right now, it’s simply clear that while the process itself is enjoyable, it isn’t reaching many people.

For the moment, I can see two paths without knowing which one I’ll take. One is to let all of that go and just train. The other is to change direction entirely. I don’t feel the need to decide today. Noticing where I’m standing feels like enough.